Pets get their own smartphone

Because your goldendoodle clearly doesn’t have enough screen time, the tech world has finally solved a problem that literally no one had: your pet can now call you on a smartphone.

GlocalMe, a company apparently determined to bridge the communication gap between species, has released a high-tech pet collar that functions as a wearable smartphone. According to a report from WWL, pet owners are “buzzing” about the device, though the pets themselves remain unavailable for comment, likely because they’re busy trying to figure out their data roaming charges.

The collar features a built-in camera and two-way calling capabilities, allowing you to FaceTime your feline while you’re at work. It’s the perfect solution for the owner who has always wanted to receive a mid-meeting “butt-dial” from a German shepherd or a high-definition, 4K livestream of a cat licking itself for three hours.

Beyond the ability to chat with a creature that primarily communicates through rhythmic tail thumping and occasional vomiting, the collar boasts other high-tech features. While GlocalMe touts the safety and connectivity benefits, critics—and anyone who has ever met a dog—suggest the primary use will be owners frantically screaming “Get off the couch!” into their iPhones while their pets stare blankly at a wall.

The device also raises important social questions for the modern era. If your dog accidentally calls your ex, is that considered a “paws-dial”? And if your cat refuses to pick up, are you officially being ghosted by your own pet?

There is no word yet on whether the collar includes a “Do Not Disturb” mode for when the hamster is napping, or if the next generation will feature an Instagram integration so your pug can finally manage his own influencer brand.

For now, the era of the “Pet Phone” is here. Just don’t be surprised when your monthly bill doubles because your Labrador spent the afternoon ordering premium ribeye on DoorDash.