There is one four letter word that I hate and it’s probably not the one you think. It’s a word that I hear people overly use all the time and it drives me crazy! Okay, I’m going to say it….BUSY. Oh my gosh, I can’t even stand it! Busy. I don’t know if it’s our culture, generation or country – but we use the word ‘busy’ like a badge of honor. We savor our chaotic lives, post about our stressed out existence and miss out on life because of being busy. How was your day? Really busy. Want to grab coffee Saturday morning? I’d love to, but I’m too busy. Hey, did you get my text – I did but I was too busy to respond. Busy. It’s my new hated four letter word.
One of the things about dating at this stage of my life is that middle aged men usually have successful and demanding careers. I get it- you’ve worked hard your whole life and this is the culmination of that effort. The downside is that some men (not all) use this as an excuse. I see it play out by not showing up (physically and emotionally) and the blame is put on being too ‘busy’. I understand that we’re all moving at a quick pace and at times feel busy. I’m a single mom, business woman and radio host. I have a lot going on, but guess what? I will find the time and make spending it with the people who are important to me. I had a guy tell me on a second date that I’m overly planned and that he can’t really plan ahead because of his career. What? You’re so busy you can’t plan a date? That makes no sense to me. I’m a firm believer that as we get older, life takes more effort to plan ahead. I also have a tight schedule and it’s a necessity in my life. I embarrassingly live by the phone in my calendar. Honestly, I have to plan ‘me’ time, gym time and just about anything that is important to me. Anyone else schedule time with their friends and put it on their calendars?
Busy is the opposite of balance. My goal continues to be living a more authentic and balanced life. My hope is that there are successful, available men out there who aren’t too ‘busy’ to plan ahead and carve out time. I’m not trying to toss all men under the bus, this has just been my observation with successful men. I was telling a friend of mine about a guy I liked and told her how he’s so busy that he doesn’t have time to get together. Her response, “Then maybe you’re not the girl for him and he’s not the guy for you. IF he wanted to, he would find time and make seeing you a priority.” Ouch… but brutally true. It’s really not that complicated. We make time for the people and things that are important to us.
What I hope is that we’re not permanently becoming people who pride ourselves on being busy. I know in my own life and journey that being overly busy meant I was avoiding certain life areas and feelings. Being overly busy looks impressive and productive, but it is also a method of avoidance. Trust me – I have done this. What’s that saying, ‘No matter where you go, there you are.’ Same thing with being being busy- avoidant – life is still there to deal with when the ride stops. I also believe in my gut that there is a huge correlation to our levels of busyness and the increase we’re seeing in loneliness. We’re busier than ever and also lonelier than ever because we’re missing connection. I believe we need that connection. I know that I need that connection and that’s probably why ‘busy’ is my new least favorite four letter word.