Why Middle Aged Men Date Younger Women

Why do men tend to date younger and women go older?  As I watch my friends in the dating world I keep hearing that if you’re a woman expect to date older, because the men your age are dating significantly younger women.  I would love to say that’s malarkey, but more and more it appears to be true.  I met a woman last year who was 34 and dating a 50+ year old guy.  He already had two grown kids and was ‘open’ to getting remarried and starting a family with her.  When asked why he didn’t date a woman his age he replied, “I already did that with my ex.”  I have another friend in her 30’s dating a guy that’s close to her dad’s age.  This one took me back a little bit.  I admit I originally felt all judgey about the situation until I finally said to myself, who cares.  Who really cares?! He is obviously okay with helping raise little ones and who knows, they could even have a baby together.  Yes, that is one thing about older guys – they can physically do that all their lives.  Then there are women like me.  I’m in my 40’s and I will proudly wear a sign saying ‘baby maker closed for baby business.’   I have no problem dating a younger guy who has his ‘stuff’ together, but if he wants babies and to start a family= I’m not your girl.  I’ve packed enough diaper bags and prepared enough bottles to fill my baby needs.  I have no desire for the sleep deprived hours of my 30’s or the constant juggling of a baby and life.  I loved that time of my life, but I’m done.

So men, why the younger women?  I ask this more out of curiosity then judgement.  Is it the status of a younger woman?  The looks?  The potential to start a family now that you’re more established?  I admit those things aren’t that attractive to me.  As a 40 something woman, I am ready for the proverbial next chapter of my life.  I have a teenage daughter who is pretty self-sufficient, a career that I’ve cultivated and now have time for the fun things in life that I didn’t beforehand.  I can travel, explore and have more adventures at this point than I could have had a decade ago.  When I first got divorced and started dating I had a hard time imagining dating someone with grandkids.  I didn’t feel old enough to have grandkids, so I couldn’t wrap my brain around dating someone who could. Fast forward 4 years and I’m totally open to that idea.  In fact, that idea sounds way more reasonable than raising small children. Now let me put a little caveat here, I’m fine with that as long as the guy is fun, active and healthy.  I have no desire to sit around and read together (unless it’s on a great beach vacation)

I’m sure part of my internal shift is the fact that I’m finally comfortable with my age and who I am today.  I really like my 40’s and the hard fought self-confidence I’ve found.  I like grabbing my purse and not worrying about a diaper bag as I head out the door.  I like having an older child and the relationship we now have, plus the freedom that affords me.  I also respect that some men and even some women want to start or re-start families again at this point in their lives.  I may not relate, but I also believe that as long as you’re making decisions out of love for yourself and not fear – then you do you.  As to what age of guy I will date…we’ll just have to wait and see.

Xoxo Melissa

 

 

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