Dinner and Drinks? No Thanks. Here’s How American Singles Are Really Trying to Find Love

If you’re still suggesting cocktails and a dinner reservation as your go-to first date move, heads up — a whole lot of singles have officially checked out of that routine. According to a new survey by OnePoll, 37% of singles are bored of traditional dates like drinks or dinner, and honestly, can you blame them? 35% say those kinds of dates feel more like a job interview than a chance to actually connect. No wonder people are rethinking their approach.

The survey — which takes a hard look at how singles are navigating modern romance — paints a picture of a dating culture that’s simultaneously exhausted, hopeful, and still very much figuring it all out.

The Real-Life Approach Is Making a Comeback

Despite every app, algorithm, and “ice breaker” prompt designed to make meeting people easier, 52% of singles say they’d rather meet someone organically in real life than rely on dating apps or social media. That’s a pretty strong endorsement for the old-fashioned “just go out and talk to people” method. The only problem? Talking to people is terrifying, apparently.

The top barrier to making a move IRL is fear of rejection, cited by 53% of singles. And it doesn’t stop there — 60% of singles admit their confidence is holding them back from even approaching someone new in person. Another 37% have been discouraged after overthinking how they’ll come across, while 33% haven’t made a move because they simply didn’t know how to start a conversation.

So to recap: people want to meet in real life, they prefer it over apps, and yet the majority are too nervous, too in their heads, or too tongue-tied to actually do it. Welcome to dating in America.

Activity-Based Dates Are Having a Moment

The good news is that singles aren’t just throwing up their hands. 26% of those surveyed now prefer activity-based dates, where a shared experience makes it easier to strike up a natural conversation. Think mini golf, bowling, or even something as unexpected as bingo — anything where the setting does some of the heavy lifting for you. And that tracks with what researchers and dating pros have been saying for a while: connection flows a lot easier when you’re doing something together rather than just staring across a table trying to come up with your next interesting anecdote.

Summer Is the Season Singles Are Banking On

One thing singles do seem to agree on: 74% see summer as the ideal season to find romance, while 83% say it’s also the perfect time to expand their social circle. More events, more outdoor hangouts, more opportunities to bump into someone worth knowing — it makes sense that summer gets the romantic edge over, say, February.

The Bigger Picture: A Dating Recession Nobody Asked For

The OnePoll findings don’t exist in a vacuum. Across the board, the data on American dating is telling a sobering story. Many young adults are experiencing what researchers are calling a dating recession during their prime dating years — most simply aren’t dating much, and many are struggling with significant barriers to initiating relationships.

Just how bad is it? 45.7% of singles went on zero dates in the past year. Zero. According to a DatingNews and Kinsey Institute study, U.S. singles averaged fewer than two in-person dates in the last year.

And dating app fatigue has transformed the dating industry — gone are the days when singles associated romance with right swipes and profile likes, as in-person and IRL dating have started to take over the romance sector. Still, despite this shift, singles are averaging fewer than two in-person dates in the last year — so the IRL comeback still has a ways to go.

AI, Big Spending, and a Surprising Return of Optimism

AI isn’t going anywhere either — a growing 26% of singles are now using artificial intelligence to enhance their dating lives, a staggering 333% increase year-over-year. Whether that means letting a chatbot help write your opener or using AI to polish your profile, the robots are officially in the dating pool with us.

Meanwhile, the average single is spending $213 per month on dating, while active daters spend $310 — a significant jump from $188 in 2022 making dating more expensive than it’s ever been.

But despite all of the anxiety, app fatigue, and awkward silences, there’s a real undercurrent of hope in these numbers. Belief in love at first sight has soared to 60%, up from just 34% in 2014. As Dr. Justin Garcia, Chief Scientific Advisor to Match and Executive Director of the Kinsey Institute, put it: “Today’s singles are rejecting the one-size-fits-all approach to dating. The human desire for love has not changed, but the ways in which single adults pursue and prioritize it are radically evolving.”

So yeah — the dinner-and-drinks era may be fading, and approach anxiety is absolutely real. But people are still out here, hoping to connect. They’re just doing it differently. And maybe, if the survey is any indication, they’re doing it this summer.