We need to stop settling for lukewarm relationships and love. You know the relationships, the ones that you could take or leave. The ones that don’t make your heart go pitter-patter and don’t fill a space in that big squishy place in your chest. I’ve been back in the dating world for a while now and I feel like there is a lot of ‘lukewarm love’ out there. I’ve been there, done it and have the post date hangovers to prove it. The question is why? Why are we okay with lukewarm love and relationships?
To be completely transparent and honest, I have been in several lukewarm relationships. On the receiving end, I have felt like the hot coffee that is left on the kitchen counter for 30 minutes too long. I have been the one wondering why he “just isn’t that into me.” My issue with lukewarm is that sometimes what is lukewarm to one person is the other person’s best efforts. Some people need more big squishy heart showing love than others. I’m one of them. I don’t do subtle well. I don’t do lukewarm well either. It may be a flaw. Maybe the lukewarm is safer and easier to navigate, but it’s also lackluster to me.
So my earlier question of why are we okay with lukewarm in our love lives, seems two-fold. First, I think we’re afraid of wanting more and expecting more out of a relationship. Maybe, just maybe if we’re honest we’re afraid of wanting more and believing that we deserve it. I might even venture to guess that we fear that we may not find it or get it. What if I’m 40, 50, 60 and still haven’t found it? Am I destined to be alone? Do I wait for that punch you in the gut feeling of being in love like a teenager again OR do I settle with just okay? I believe that when we settle we get lukewarm.
I was reading about this beautiful couple who came together later in life. The wife said in the interview that she never thought she could feel like this again, but she always knew she wanted it. I’ve also known couples who have been together decades and will still tell you how they still get butterflies for each other. After having been married for a long time, I know that there are lukewarm days and sometimes seasons. A lukewarm season is different than a lukewarm relationship. In our guts we all know the difference and which one we’re living in.
What I am realizing for me and my life is that I can’t do or settle for lukewarm. I won’t settle either. Sometimes we know right away when a relationship is lukewarm. Sometimes it takes time and experiences to really get a grasp on what we’re feeling and seeing. What I have struggled with in the past has been what to do with lukewarm love. It goes back to that coffee left on the countertop. Sometime you can put it in the microwave and warm it up and sometimes you have to throw it out and start over. xoxo Melissa