The Bachelor is everything there is wrong with dating . I was cringe-binge watching it the other night when I said to myself, no way. No way could I ever compete against a bunch of women for 1 guy. I don’t like sharing- not my thing. To see a guy kiss or roll around in a hot tub with another girl, nope. I’d probably lose my mind and probably start a fight (cue Eminem music). Trust me, I know myself. I also know that these women agreed to this madness and I realize that I feed this madness by watching. What I’m saying is that it’s not for me and on a bigger scale I think it is causing problems in the dating world. Or maybe it’s reflecting the problems in the dating world??? Hmmm….
There is a term I’m learning in the online dating world called BBD (Bigger Better Deal) and FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) that is causing this same effect. I’ve obviously heard of FOMO regarding life, but not specifically regarding dating. Here it is, men and I’m sure some women too; compare their dates to the ‘what if’ person they’ve yet to meet online. You don’t want to have ‘buyer’s remorse’ so you keep looking for the bigger, better deal. You’re afraid you might miss out on Mr./Ms. Perfect so you keep going on an endless cycle of first dates. The less honest people may even date Person #1 for a while, but still be online and actively looking for their BBD. Think of this like going out to eat. You get the menu when you sit down – you have plenty of time to look it over and get comfortable with your decision, but once you decide…menu is taken away! In the dating world, you’ve gone out with several people – you’ve dated someone you like for several weeks and decided you want to see if it can work. This is when you give your menu back. Not for the BBD/FOMO dater. They lead Person #1 onto believing they’re done looking, but yet stay online and even communicate with potential dates. Maybe this is BBD/FOMO or maybe it’s called a back-up plan. Whatever it is, it’s not honest.
Online dating and The Bachelor are similar, but The Bachelor is actually more honest in my opinion. Although I personally hate the concept (but love to watch;), at least the women know the score. One of the problems for me with online dating is the lack of transparency. You really only know what you know. The mere concept of online dating is similar to The Bachelor- lots of people ‘competing’ against each other for dates. It breeds insecurities, jealousy and lack of trust. You HOPE the person is telling you the truth, but you don’t really know. I had a guy tell me that although the dating website says he’s online all the time, that isn’t really true. Uh huh. I researched that one – he was totally lying. Why? He’s a BBD dater and had probably been previously busted.
Another sign of the BBD/FOMO dater, they come on hot and heavy and then disappear. Poof. Then – give it a few weeks and once you’ve deleted their phone number, they’re back. What happened in the interim? A shiny new object popped into view and they went after it. It didn’t pan out so you’re now up to bat again. No! Drop the bat and walk away. Don’t swing, don’t even approach the mound. Don’t respond to the text. Walk away my friend, walk away. I went out with Mr. BBD/FOMO twice now. Once a year ago and he ghosted me. Then he calls me up and says he lost my number. Of course I looked him straight in the eyes and said, “No, you deleted it.” BBD: Same thing. Me: No- one is a conscious action. Out of curiosity we went out twice this time around and guess what? Yes, Mr. BBD/FOMO did it again. Poof! Was I upset? No, because I was totally expecting it. What may have surprised him is that I text him and told him to ‘lose my number’ this time. I have no time for that nonsense. Maybe I should sign him up for The Bachelor? No wait- they actually say they want a relationship. 😉