My Covid Exhaustion Reality
By Melissa Moore on August 23, 2021
I am physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted from Covid. I don’t want to think about it, or talk about it another second longer. I don’t want to listen to another mask debate, vaccine debate or any kind of debate that has the word Covid in it. Simply put, I am bone weary exhausted.
What’s difficult to know is that although I am worn out, I’m also in the middle of a marathon. I think somewhere in my brain I’ve had little finish lines set up. I thought we were closer to the big finish line. The truth is that there is no Covid finish line at this point.
Our reality is that the finish line keeps moving. Once we get vaccinated, we’ll be getting back to normal. Then came Delta. An angrier and scarier version of sister Covid. Masks came back on, mask debates flared up at schools, work places and places of business. The finish line we imagined wasn’t a finish line. It wasn’t even a water station- but more of a mirage in the desert.
I know Covid is taking a toll on all of us. I’m especially worried about our children. My daughter has anxiety over being in a mask all day. The first day of school was a rough one- it’s almost like she has PTSD. I encourage her, tell her it’s going to be okay and that we’ll get through this together. I exude confidence – meaning I’m lying. I’m scared, overwhelmed and downright frustrated.
I’ve been trying to put my finger on why I’ve been so tired lately. Not a been up too late the night before tired, but bone weary exhausted. There is one word for it – Covid. I am absolutely sick and tired of any and everything related to Covid. I’m tired of the stats, the debates and the pictures. I’m tired of phone calls telling me someone I love has the virus. I’m tired of it all.
I admit that I have thoughts of selling everything and living near a beach somewhere in Mexico. I have this grandiose thought of running away from it all. I envision myself writing this blog from my laptop on a beach somewhere in the tropics. I envision a stress free – Covid free life. The problem is that life doesn’t exist – anywhere.
Covid and 2020 taught me the gift of time, family, friends and slowing down. Covid helped me get centered on what is truly important in life. The problem is that I learned this amazing lesson and yet can’t fully live it yet. Covid is still here like a bad guest who has no timeframe to leave. Covid is Cousin Eddie from Christmas Vacation.
As parents we are the cheerleaders for our children, the protectors and the counselors. They are exhausted, confused and scared about this new world they’re living in. We see it, can’t fix it and feel the same confusion. Yet, we’re the adults and somehow we’re supposed to keep all the plates spinning. My plates are definitely not all spinning at this point.
The kicker is that Covid requires adulting at a higher level than most of us want to do. I am actually one of the fortunate ones regarding Covid. I am healthy, have a good job and haven’t lost anyone to this insidious disease. I honestly feel guilty for feeling anything, but grateful. I recognize how much I have to feel gratitude for – I see it and I truly am thankful. I also have a lot of happiness and love in my life. I am blessed. I am also exhausted.
My hope in writing this is to say that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to feel gratitude and be bone weary exhausted at the same time. You can be both. I know I sure am.