Is "It's Complicated" Really a Relationship Status?

By on August 14, 2017

Since when was “It’s complicated” an actual relationship status? I don’t know if it’s the pending eclipse or if this is a thing, but I keep hearing stories from my dating friends who have experiences with “it’s complicated” people. I don’t mean that they have baggage (don’t we all!) but they meet someone and when it comes to the question of are you married or in a relationship they get a “it’s complicated.”  What am I missing here?  Are you married…hmmm…let me think.  Are you involved with anyone? I don’t see how this is a question that gets “it’s complicated.”  Having problems in marriage (duh), going through a crappy season or two – got it.  It seems through my friend based research that “it’s complicated” means I’m living with my spouse/significant other or in a serious relationship and trying to decide what I want to do.  Otherwise, people going through a divorce will start with that fact, just so there is no misunderstanding.  I even have respect for the “consciously uncoupling”(thank you Gwyneth) – that means awareness and is honest.

I recently had a friend that wanted to set me up. I heard her out but stopped her (actually did the mom stop hand in the air) when she paused and then said he’s married, but “it’s complicated.”  Nope.  First, she thought he was single which raises huge red flags to me!  And secondly, it’s not complicated for me at all.  I have huge compassion for complicated marriages and all the hurt that goes with it.  I also have a lot of empathy for serious relationships that struggle and are trying to figure things out.  It’s not easy and I don’t feel like there are always easy answers when it comes to deciding to stay or end it.  For me, and I always feel like I have to give this caveat, I do not knowingly want to get involved with someone with an ongoing “complicated marriage or relationship.”  I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my past and I don’t want to knowingly repeat them or cause someone else pain. I wouldn’t want to be the person you test your relationship status with and I wouldn’t want to be the person that you weren’t sure about and needed to test it either. I understand that for some people they are okay with taking this risk in dating, but who I am today wants no part in this. I am not going to willingly raise my hand to extra stress and an increased chance of getting my heart hurt.  Noppers.  Big squishy heart – big #$%^*&@ fence and my fence keeps out “it’s complicators”(made up word).

Relationships are wonderful and tough all at the same time and have enough stress just because it’s two different people with different life experiences. It’s not easy and being a single parent I also have a unique set of circumstances that I bring with me.  I don’t expect anyone not to have their own baggage, but I also will not willingly sign up for a “it’s complicated” relationship.  My life is crazy and complicated enough thank you very much!  Like I said, I get the heartache and trials of committed relationships and have huge empathy, but I’m not sticking my hand in the garbage disposal when it’s on.  My life as a single parent and working mom is a hectic and sometimes crazy.  I’m sometimes crazy all on my own and in my own head.  I don’t see knowingly mixing in a “it’s complicated” and having anything but a mess of hurt turn out.

xoxo Melissa

My loves….

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