Are you stuck in a pattern of dating the SAME type of person? Ever feel like you are wedged into a ‘type’ like a bad pair of underwear and can’t get unstuck? Me too! I always knew I had a type; both physically and emotionally. The issue is that as I’ve grown and changed this ‘type’ wasn’t working for me any longer. Problem is that I still found my old type physically attractive but had little in common emotionally or spiritually. What’s the definition of insanity?? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome? That was me. I seriously should have known with Mr. Face Licker. Yep – he had the looks I liked, narcissistic though (“I take a lot of pride in how my body looks naked.”) and was shocked that I didn’t find it hot when he licked my face like a lollipop. You would think, well I’m sure she learned her lesson after him, right? Nope. Sure didn’t. Instead I went online thinking I’m sure there are better versions of my type online. No. It’s like expecting Starbucks to taste different whether I’ve done the drive-thru or gone inside. Same coffee, just a different way of picking it up.
My next dating genius step was to go totally against the grain and what I thought I wanted. My ‘type’ isn’t working so let’s have NO type! Umm..this phase was an absolute disaster too. Instead of tweaking my ‘list’ – I threw it out the car window. I went on a ‘say yes to the date’ phase. If someone asked me out, didn’t seem to be a serial killer and sounded interesting = I would say yes. Problem is that this ended up becoming my one and done phase. I even fell asleep during one date! No lie. Who does that?! Umm…apparently I do. Towards the end of the ‘say yes’ dating phase I finally wised up, but that also meant I ended up cancelling some dates. I just couldn’t do it. I remember thinking that I’d rather be home in my yoga pants, glass of wine and slobbery dog on a Friday night vs. one more date. It was then that I knew things (me) had to change. So I took a break and regrouped. It was time for me to metamorphous into the quality phase of dating.
After the disastrous ‘say yes’ phase, I had to bust a move and start getting really, really picky. Not superficial picky, but quality of person picky. I would read and re-read the profiles. I would acknowledge red flags as the deal breakers they were and move on. I used this time to get ‘real’ about what I wanted and what my deal breakers and boundaries would be. I didn’t go out nearly as often in my quality dating phase and I’m glad. All the bad dates…Face licker, lotion in the basket boy, previous shoot out with the police…all of them were necessary. I’m not always a fast learner when it comes to relationships, so I believe I had to really hit rock bottom to appreciate a good quality person. I also had to swap out my dating glasses and put on the ‘quality person’ prescription. Whenever I start to put on the ‘my type’ of dating glasses, I stop myself. They don’t work any longer. They’re the wrong prescription and every time I wear them I run into walls.