Dating's Latest Pitfall….Ghosting

By on August 21, 2017

Why can’t people just have honest conversations? Talking to one of my girlfriends, she tells me about this guy she was seeing and how he just ‘ghosted’ her. Umm…what’s ghosting? If like me you have no idea what ghosting is, it’s when you’re ‘seeing’ someone and they just stop responding to any and all texts and calls.  They disappear – hence they ghost you.  This is such a phenomenon that there’s a term for it! As if dating isn’t rough enough, now you have to worry about getting ghosted.  Is this a planned thing? Bye – talk to you tomorrow.  Okay.  He he he – nope I’m going to blow you off like a big ole’ Texas tornado! I’m not trying to be dramatic here but ghosting sounds awfully mean and thoughtless to me.

I know versions of this have been going on for years, but it does sound like it’s now acceptable because there is a term for it. I remember dating a guy in my 20’s, really liking him (he did look like Ben Affleck) and after seeing each other for a couple of months he just disappeared (maybe the first case of documented ghosting?). I also remember being so irritated and let’s be honest, hurt, that I let him disappear and refused to chase him.  Then three months later he calls and asks to talk.  Fine, we go out for a drink and he shares with me what was going on with him and apologizes profusely saying what a huge mistake he made.  All very honest and appreciated, but also too late.  We tried going out again, but I soon realized that the trust was broken and I just couldn’t harness the same feelings I had before he turned into Casper.

Ghosting to me shouts no responsibility or compassion. It also screams selfishness and dishonesty.  We’ve all had that person that we knew quickly just wasn’t going to work out.  No one enjoys ‘the talk’, but it’s the kind thing to do.  I also don’t think the talk has to be long or drawn out if it’s just been a date.   I also don’t think you need to say something hurtful like ‘you’re crazy and I’m about as attracted to you as a hot poker to the eye.’ What is going on with ghosting? Is it a lack of responsibility? Empathy? Hating confrontation?  Can we blame this on the millennials?  Just kidding.

As a single mom with a preteen I have enough drama in my life and do not need a ghoster. Gross.  I don’t know if there are warning signs or a certain type of person that does this, but I want no part of it.  For me, it really goes back to wanting those authentic and at times difficult conversations.  Just knowing that this ‘ghosting’ thing is out there makes me anxious.  Why people, why?  Why do we have to make what is already a difficult thing (dating) even more difficult and scary?! I am not happy with this. My dog and wine would never do this to me.

xoxo Melissa


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