Can You Be REAL FRIENDS After A Break-Up??

By on September 18, 2017

Can you be friends – I mean real friends after a break up?  One of my favorite songs is Brett Young’s ‘Like I Loved You’.  I heard him explain the song as someone breaking your heart – breaking up with you then having the “audacity” to say, I hope that we can still be friends.  What I’ve realized is that you can’t be friends when your heart is broken and the other person is fine with you moving on. When you’re the broken hearted, hearing that they’d be fine if you moved on with someone else is painful.  Umm – don’t you mean you will always love me and would die if I was ever with someone else?  That is what the broken hearted wants to hear, not I hope you find someone. That is a giant dagger to the heart.

In the song Brett Young – says, “…If you really believed that was true, you never loved me like I loved you.” I have to be honest and tell you that I’ve been on both sides of this story.  I’ve been the broken hearted girl hearing that ‘you’d’ be fine if I moved on and even hope I find someone.  Heart shattering jerk!  I’ve also been the jerk who broke up and said this to someone I knew still loved me.  Somehow at the time it seemed the kind thing to say…I care for you so much I want for you to be happy.  The broken hearted hears it as I don’t love you like you love me and never did. My over analytical brain has heard this song dozens of times and what I realized is that there is no way to make a friendship work right away.  Maybe…maybe down the road after the love wounds have healed, but definitely not right away.

We all know when something isn’t working out and needs to be over. It’s not a great feeling but my experience has been that once you truly feel that way, it’s over.  I’m not sure where the let’s be friends thing came from, but it seems like a cushion for ending things.  I don’t think anyone really wants to be ‘friends’ but they mean it as I hope you don’t hate me and that if we run into each other we’re cool.  At least to me a true friendship is talking often, spending time together and sharing your heart.  Saying I still want to be friends but never spend time together and hope not to see you doesn’t work for me.  That’s not a friend…that’s an ex who doesn’t want things to be awkward and feels guilty. I think that’s why it feels like if you can say that to me, you never loved me like I loved you.  That seems honest.  Maybe more honest is just saying goodbye, wishing the person well and knowing that you’ll miss the friendship piece but that its’ not fair to either of you.

I know there are exceptions and people out there who are truly friends with their exes. The people I know who are though, usually went through a period of no communication before they could be friends.  I’ve heard it explained as a healing and ending time of the relationship that was before a friendship could happen.  That I can understand and even admit it’s happened.  Going from I LOVE YOU, WANT YOU, NEED YOU to hey buddy all in one day doesn’t work for this big hearted girl!  I’m sure there are exceptions…relationships that had a strong friendship base…people who were both ready to end things at the same time…but I understand Brett’s song even more now.  ‘You never loved me, like I loved you’-you  heartless jerk. Fine…I added in that last part.

xoxo Melissa

My new boyfriend – Brett Young – he’s not allowed to break up. 😉

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